PULL of DEATH

Do you feel the loneliness bothering you, like death is approaching? Feeling lame and anhedonic, with a bit of catatonic. Compared to a stone on the ground, inanimate and worthless. Indeed, I am depressed again. Again and again, it ebbs and flows.

Currently, the awkward ambiance is luring me to melancholy again. The sensation is never unfamiliar, as it comes and goes on some points of my being. Ironic, I am in the habit of it, but not once at ease. Every touch of the aura aches and affects my entirety. The feeling is out of ordinary. It pours gloominess and takes away the zest in me. I feel something is pulling me down, frozen and imperceptible.


Blame it to boredom and longing. My pining to sufficient happiness is hopeless and getting worst. Boredom oftentimes envelopes my surroundings. Honestly, I can't understand the usual feeling. It makes sense the fact that I prefer to be dead than experiencing this touch of dolor. 


All I aspire is to have a life of my own, a life not dictated by any, with freedom and self-verdict.

I BOTCHED o_O

          The experience was real, horrible, and embarrassing. I did forget to sign my printed name at the application letter I made. Damn! I flunked! Supah failure to the nth power. How can a very little simple signature tear my ever waiting big event? 

          It was so damn awful. Worst is they may possibly perceive my personality on my first encounter with them. We know the famous, "first impression lasts", sometimes. I hope it won't be just sometimes, but it's really not. 

          One more, during the interview session, duh!, my confidence dug into the ground. Where was it? It left me, talking a bit of sense and simple few words in answering the HR personnel's questions. How would answer when she asked, "What machines had you handled before?". Blank and silence surrounded my foggy mind. No words came out from my mind in few seconds. And, the least good thing was I replied, "NGT". Oh gosh! What did I just say? An NGT, a machine? It is not a machine but an equipment, a simple tube to be inserted via the nose into the stomach. 

          By that time, I started to feel butterflies in my stomach, heartbeat pacing fast, and my anxiety heightened. Nevertheless the mixed emotions, I was honest and simply natural with my words. I admitted that I had not handled various machines during my clinical experience.  However, I witnessed how the machines were used. Also, when I was using the machines for ECG and hemodialysis, it was with assistance by a professional for I was only a novice or beginner at that time. Moreover, I had not had any working experience but my IVT training lately. It is for the reason that I'm a fresh board passer from November set of exams.

          Fortunately, I gained my confidence with my simple wit and truthfulness. It aided me, but not enough to vanish the anxiety bothering and sinking me. After all those terrible and death-giving instances, it didn't pull me down. I'm still optimistic and praying to have it.

          However, sometimes I feel schizotypal (personality disorder), in which everything happens the opposite way of what I thought and hoping preceding the time it is expected. The prime reason is, oftentimes, the fantasy thought sindeed happen. The opposite of what  I perceived usually occurs. By that, I do thought-stopping strategy or think the other way of what I am desiring, so in time, the desirable event will come. 

          After all those pessimistic thoughts and circumstances, I did not and will not stop hoping for, even not the best, but just the good result of what I am inspiring. Reminiscing the past actions and events indeed still makes me anxious, coward, and down. Still, it aches.

          With faith, I prefer to seize the disturbing feeling and instill the optimistic courageous attitude in me. Noting will happen if I continue to recognize and welcome the unwanted and undesirable perception in my mind. I believe, creating a prayer will help me with trust.

          "I believe, God has a better future planned for me. If it is not good for me, maybe a challenging one that will make me realize things as lessons and mold me a better person. I rely on a view that God will not give us problems or tasks that we can't surpass. These obstacles are made for us to beat. Indeed, this insight made me positively move forward."

Amazing Vidz wid Audrey and Gamaliel

            The first time I saw this two videos shared to me by my cousin, I was really struck by their amazing and outrageous talents. Really extra-ordinary. With their voices and nice blending, some of the people even thought that their version is better than the original...hehe... But still, credits to the original songs and the artists who delivered the song so well and made these  Indonesian teens admire and imitate the songs.

Just Dance (acapella) by Lady Gaga

            Of all the songs they had uploaded on Youtube, Just Dance (acapella) is really the most awesome, for me. The beat and harmony really have the right tune. It is so musically delivered. Gamaliel has the hardest part, though, he still made the music zestful. The role is not that easy when he did the beatbox while singing. Also, Audrey has one of the cutest and sweetest voices. 

Telephone by Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce Knowles

             Telephone, a fast-paced pop dance music is a bit hard though, for me, they still made it  with vivacious rhythm. As we can see at the end, they really had multiple bloopers before they had perfected the melody. They deserve an applause for their determination and drive to finish the song.

Lucky by Jason Mraz & Colbi Caillat

 

          Lucky for them, that Lucky is meant to be sung so sweet. They made it different and lovely. They can go the higher pitch than what was sung originally. With their renditions, hopefully they can produce songs from their original pieces and even capture more hearts...

IVT Training (half-through to it)

          First day of training, I was excited, but nervous of having the challenge and taking more steps up for my profession. To add up to that, I wasn't familiar of the venue and of the faces that surrounded me. I was alone, looking for someone to be acquainted with. And, all of them, were having their time, chit-chattting with their friends while waiting for the seminar to start. But still, I had the will and confidence to pursue and use the thought-stopping techniques to cease me from thinking things that didn't have to be acknowledged.

          Then, I thought, "WHOA!". I was shocked with the orientation given about the things we needed to comply before accomplishing the training and get the certificate. It was hard though, I still believed that positive mentality yields positive upshots. Confidence really poured in me that time. hehe. Just by that time, I knew about the return demonstrations and completion we have to complete before passing the training. Whew!

          The seminar was composed of 3 days didactic training and 2 days practicum. The whole program followed the ANSAP's provisions. We were also given the booklet by ANSAP, wherein our basis during the whole seminar were stated. During the first day, the pre-test was really shockingness. hahaha...(yah, shockingness is present in Encarta Dictionary). The pre-test was more of trouble-free, not to mention the identification of the different veins and arteries presented at the drawing given. Whew! I was a bit sure, I still could pass the pre-test. And yes, I did!..hehe

          Then, we had a review of different concepts related to Intravenous Therapy. It was fun, brought by some of the vivacious instructors. But a bit boring to some, who just read the texts at the OHP..zzzz....

          On the second day, we had our speaker for the IVT training, who was Mrs. Nolasco.  (I forgot her first name, tsk tsk.) She's the owner of the manufacturing company of some of the trusted and branded syringes used at the hospital. She was a striking lady with her captivating looks, as if she was 10 years younger than her current age. (I think, she's in her early 40's. hehe). She captured our attention, not only with her ooziness of sexy and elegance, but with her zestful attitude when lecturing. She inspired us all and left us wanting to be like her in the future.. (wishful thinking)..hehe.. And before we ended, we also had our post-test, which was really the same questions from the pre-test..hahaha (surprisingly funny).

          The 3rd day was really the opposite of what I expected. I usually anticipated for difficult things and maximum challenges before an important and big event happens. It  added readiness for the coming encounter and wouldn't be hard for me to accept failures. At that time, we had to  do RD of 13 procedures in one day. It comprised the:

1. Setting up of IV set
2. Insertion of IV cannula utilizing the Dummy Arm
3. Changing of IVF bottle 
4. Discontinuing the IVF infusion
5. Incorporating drugs into the IVF bottle
6. Administering drugs through IV push
7. Giving drugs through Volumetric Chamber
8. Giving drugs through Heparin-Lock device with 3-way stop cock
9. Setting, Giving and Discontinuing Blood Transfusion
10. Giving Parenteral Nutrition through Peripheral Venous Access
11. Giving Parenteral Nutrition through Central Venous Access
12. Discontinuing the Parenteral Nutrition
13. One-on-One IV cannula instertion

          That day was a pressure. Nevertheless, as I went with the return demonstration, it was quick, easy, and smooth-taking. I was happy that I finished it promptly without delay. And with just half a day, I went home with success. hehe. The mechanism was voluntarily, that aided me. That ended our didactic training.

          Then, for our practicum, we were told to complete 3 IV insertions, 3 drug administration, and 2 blood transfusions in 2 days. The whole program catered 65 participants at a maximum according to ANSAP's provisions. We were grouped by 5 to accomplish the requirements in 2 days. Whoo..! My date for completion will hit this last 2 days of April. 

          Then, by June 4 of this year will be the deadline of the requirements including the certificate of attendance basic 3-day IV training, 2x2 picture with apple/light green background, certificate of PRC registration and rating, photocopy of claim stub, and hard-copy of the completion of 3+3+2 requirements following the given format by the ANSAP. These requirements will be sent to ANSAP for the processing of the certificate and ID.

          Wish me luck guys...and i'll share to you soon..hehe

Excited but Nervous

          I am going to have my first ever training of IV therapy at Mindanao Sanitarium and Hospital. This will take place this April 6, 2010. I'm a little bit excited but really nervous about it. It was about over a year ago when I had my last experience during my academic internship at some of the hospitals. And, oops! I almost forget how will I execute some of those nursing procedures that I had performed during the course of my education. Nevertheless, I still have the basics..

          This training will enable to exercise my practice and aid me on upgrading my skills and updating the facts about intravenous infusion, drug administration and blood transfusion. They said I have to complete those skills to accomplish the training. 

          Though I'm thrilled of the upcoming event, I'm more nervy than I was at my first academic practice. I will be dealing with lives, not just a life. I will be handling not only my life, but the lives of those who are more badly off. Broadening my assessment and thoughts of the surrounding and be keen and enthusiastic to the needs of those deprived.

          This will be a start of a new phase of my existence. I expect it to be more thought-provoking than my bygone incidents, which were really stimulating. Hope I can succeed with this. For the advancement of my view on the time to come, I really have to come across this stage.   

Divine Mercy Shrine of El Salvador

          This awesome shrine is located in the small city of El Salvador (The Savior), which is about 18 kilometers west of Cagayan de Oro City, close to the shores of Northern Mindanao of the Philippines. It is said at the foot of the shrine, "JESUS I TRUST IN YOU"..

          During the Holy Week, the amazing shrine of the Divine Mercy was visited by thousands of people from different towns and far away cities for the people to dwell and spend their holy time with our God. A very solemn and inviting place to stay and worship our Lord. Jesus' figure, which is 50 feet tall,  stands at the center and peak of the shrine. The astonishing scenery of the shrine is really an eye-catching view to the people due to its creative and inspired works of arts. 

          From the entrance of the shrine, you have to climb hundreds of stairs up to get to the gigantic figure of Jesus. Also, you have to take another hundreds of steps up to climb up to the heart of Jesus. However, during our stay at the shrine, the way to the heart of Jesus was not open for the people to walk up. This is due to security reasons. The shrine was open 24/7 and for the safety of the people, it was secured by some of the law enforcements officers safeguarding the place.

          Some of the tourists even stayed at night at the foot of the shrine, bringing tents for their shelter. Outside the shrine, various of foods and souvenirs are for sale for the comfort and likes of the people. Candles and prayer pamphlets are also sold outside the shrine.

          As you enter the shrine, wearing of sleeveless, shorts, or even pedals is prohibited. If any of those were worn upon entering the shrine, it is required to wear the long skirt or shirt for the person to pass in. (see the right picture).

          Then, near the gateway of the shrine is the first station of the cross. People also visit the shrine to accomplish the 14 STATIONS OF THE CROSS. As we performed the ceremony, we also climbed  hundreds of steps to get to the 14th station, which is infront of Jesus' figure. Lastly, the feeling was victorious and overwhelming when we got into the last station and completed the ceremony.

          On the second day of our visit, we attended the Mass for the Veneration of the Cross. It was really my first time to participate the celebration. The small and humble chapel was loaded by people. The mass was presided by foreign priests. it was a different and more solemn and inspiring mass I had attended. Before the Eucharistic celebration ended, all of us lined up to caress and kiss Jesus' figure after the veneration. By that part, it almost took 2 hours. It was really a very lengthy but affective mass.

          Then, before we leave the shrine, we also bought Holy Water from the shrine. It is said to be a healing water. People are bringing different kinds of containers and large bottles for them to gather and bring home. For some who had not bring any, there are bottles for the holy water sold outside the shrine. The water is free for the people to drink, collect, and wash.

          It is really a one of a kind experience, very unique and inspiring one. Hope more and more people will come over to visit the holy place and also have their own exceptional experience in the DIVINE MERCY SHRINE of EL SALVADOR.

Rhaine, raining with blogs...

          Hello, pipz…. AT LAST, I decided to unfold to the existing world the nature within me irrevocably…This is the time I finally think of conceiving and visualizing my blog, "Rhaine-ing Gracez"…!

          Inclusion to this are my treasured experiences and extraordinary events that I had confronted during my journey in my adventurous life. On my path to success, I encountered various obstacles that struggled my holistic being to ponder on some realizations that really led me in modifying my true character…in getting my hands on the real root of my survival…

          By means of this, I can speak about my thoughts and opinions on any stuff that will come about my thinking…Moreover, this will enunciate my know-how and proficiencies to others who may absorb or realize new and vital things that may aid for their betterment…

          HOPEFULLY, graces will be raining to you as you visit and view my blog…Enjoy readin’ my articles…. ANYONG!!!

GRACIAS>>>>>>

DUTY at the CALVARY

Last June 19-20, 2008… was a very tiring duty at the 4-A station of the St. Elizabeth Hospital, Incorporated…with my groupmates and our bloodcurdling and intimidating clinical instructor….

Though she admitted to us her true personality when it comes to duty hours, we were still surprised of her terrifying attitude during the shift (2:00 - 10:00 pm)…

As I recall the incidents, it really gives me a migraine…. My whole stay and responsibility in the institution as a "practicing clinical instructor" was horrible, I admit… It was not fun and very strenuous… It really ached my legs for 7 hours standing… (waaahhh…)Thank God, I hadn’t had varicose veins or worst thrombophlebitis…hehehe….

Almost all of us were yelled by her in front of other staffs in the hospital due to small mistakes during documentation…Though, in fact, documentation is essential and erasures on the patient’s chart are prohibited, still, rebuking must not be that ruthless and humiliating… Many of us almost burst into tears….

I admit, I committed slip-ups… Nevertheless, I learned abundant lessons and experience… It is better to experience these complicated and embarrassing circumstances in this early time than to encounter this kind of incident during my real duty in an institution…

The whole event, really made me stronger, developed my skills and attitude for the better, and molded me gradually into a professional being….

WHEW!!…. Fortunately, I survived from the claws and fangs of my petrifying clinical instructor... hehehe… Hope you’ll also prevail over any challenges that may confront you on your way to triumph…. Let us all keep up the good works and stay upbeat. 

ツ♥ღrelationshiopsღ♥ツ

Relationships
♥Three women♥: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
ツAfter a few days they meet up for lunch.ツ
♥The engaged woman♥: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my life. I love you." Then we made love all night long.
♥The mistress♥: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
♥The married woman♥: I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s house for the night when my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What’s for dinner, Batman?"
ღSorry if it offends anyone.ღ

Alone

why is it?? in bein’ on my own….happy…? dismay?…

nah, can’t tell..it’s mixed…(sometimes)…however, it’s gloomy…it kills inside…though, i’m happy physically outside…as it manifests….but the real is, it’s dark inside….nobody knows, nobody cares……

how’s that? do u have the same feelin’?…i think not..i don’t know how it’ll be cured…what’s its remedy?? don’t know…

but, i’m livin’ with it…acceptin’ its fangs ang blows….fightin’ and confrontin’ to survive….who are my enemies?? me?…someone?….many…that’s it…it’s both..

don’t know what’s inside me….what’s keepin my mind rollin’….who is really me..???

can somebody tell?? i can’t even tell to myself…i’m lost…alone….of nowhere…